If you are over the age of 23, please please please, do not buy any of those patterned hoodies (i.e. zippered sweatshirts with patterns of birds or skulls or analog cassette tapes).
But should you have a lapse in judgment and hit on one of my friends, I may have to discreetly interject myself into the conversation and whisper into my friend’s ear, “You can do better.”
Apparently, my voice will not be calibrated to the proper volume, and you will say, “Wait, did you just tell him that ‘he can do better’?”
But as a quick witted English major, I’ll bounce back on a very chilly San Francisco night, and say, “No, no, I said that he needs a thicker sweater.”